Author: nickdenton-23 (Page 2 of 4)

I couldn’t let the anniversary of Eddie Howe taking over the manager’s role at Newcastle go by without dedicating this blog to the man himself. And to Jason, of course. Whom he couldn’t be without.

There is a more serious note to this blog don’t worry. I know regular readers come along to read something sensible and meaningful, and don’t worry this won’t disappoint. I wanted to compare and contrast the matchday experience I now have going to football. With not drinking anymore, football matches and days have taken a different route. One that I am embracing . I got my season ticket at Newcastle back in 2018. Rafa’s second season in the premier league with us. I started going with a few mates I had made and suddenly ‘going to the match’ became going out early getting a few pints down my neck before the game, having a couple more during and then going out after for, you guessed it. Even more pints. I couldn’t wait for match days because I knew it was an excuse to go on a bit of a mad one. I looked upon it as, well everyone else is going out and getting wrecked why don’t i? I can recall (ironically) having many days and nights out following matches and not being able to remember much from the day before. It is quite sad really looking back at it like that as I wasn’t fully present at these moments. I wasn’t enjoying the football and experience of the day to its full potential which considering how much going to games cost, is a massive waste. Christ, it got even worse when Bruce took over as the football was dire.

One bad night was over the festive period (I hate Christmas) which I seldom enjoy usually because I make a mess of a situation and get into some sort of shenanigans through boozing. We played Brighton the day before New Years Eve and quite a few of us had gone to the game. I ended up walking off from the group too drunk and not remembering where I was. Thankfully one of the lads and his partner found me and returned me home but it was incredibly embarrassing the next day when I saw them again. It’s moments like this I wonder why I never packed the drinking in there and then? Surely, I could see it was not wise for me to be doing it. Evidently not, or more than likely I chose to ignore it and plough on. I mentioned this today in my therapy session, I think I felt a sense of invincibility and arrogance that nothing bad was ever going to happen. After heavy nights I would utter the immortal words promising to not drink again but days would pass and I would think to myself, nothing bad has occurred so just carry-on mate. If you are drinking to excess and blacking out, then seriously talk to someone about it. I was very lucky, nothing too awful ever went down, but I came very close a few times.   

Match days are now very different. And for the better. I will meet friends before the game and not drink. I generally get into town around the same time as I would have done in the past for pre-match drinks. Now I go for a coffee or something to eat. I get into the ground fairly early to watch the players warm up. I never did this previously. It would be drinks until five minutes before kick-off. No half-time boozy beverages are consumed, and I stick to a coke zero or something similar. I appreciate this is really ground-breaking stuff…. But I wanted to describe it in detail to show the difference to myself. I love going to the matches, even more this season. I am present. I remember every game and small moments that I otherwise would have missed. I don’t crave the booze on game days which I am slightly surprised at. I have learned that this is the best way for me to still enjoy something I am passionate about and not let it be ruined by alcohol. There are no longer the pit stops on the way home cramming in as many pints as possible. I leave the games and go home. Unless meeting friends afterwards. To some, this will seem like I am no longer enjoying the day as much, but I can say with honesty that I am. Yes, it’s different but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good if not better.

Next week I am going to write a full piece on Foodcycle. The organisation I volunteer for in Newcastle. Thanks again for reading.

Up the mags.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts

When you are really young, all you want to be is older. I know I did. I can recall a memory from my youth when I said this to my mum. She laughed at me and replied, “be careful what you wish for” and she was right. Although there were some challenging times growing up, in general I had a good childhood. Although my parents split when I was nine and that was indeed traumatic, they both loved and cared for me. I was a lot luckier than other families that go through unpleasant divorces. I recorded a podcast with Ross (check out the Aesthetically Trained Podcast) a few months ago and one of the last things he asked me was, what is the best piece of advice you have been given? Having not prepared for this part I rather feebly (I thought at the time ) came up with something my dad said to me when I was young. He told me to enjoy school as, “they are the best days of your life” at the time I will have undoubtedly laughed it off and rubbished this ludicrous claim. But in a lot of ways, he was right and it was very sound advice. Like most kids, I had no responsibilities when I was at school other than to do my work and enjoy my time. I did half of that at least. This blog is about growing older. I am in my thirties now. Which at first, really terrified me. I thought I was getting on and no longer could enjoy the folly of youth. I am learning that with the new lifestyle I have chosen (without alcohol) I am not heading towards obsolescence just yet.

I had a chat with Jack not long ago and with us both now being in our thirties we did a little bit of reflecting. We both concluded that the current position we are now in was better than where we both were back in our early twenties, possibly even mid-twenties. When you have the benefit of being older and looking back, I don’t think I would choose to go back to my early twenties. Yes of course, I was younger and with less responsibility but I was also immature and “not piss wise” as an old boss used to say. I feared turning thirty, it definitely played on my mind. My birthday was in lockdown so it was a very low-key affair but that in some ways that probably made things worse. I didn’t embrace it. If anything, I wanted to run as far as possible away from it. What I should have done and my advice for anyone just about to turn the magic three zero is, don’t worry about it. It does annoy me a little when people will say, “oh age is only a number” that is bollocks. Becoming thirty and leaving twenty-nine behind is clearly different, as I am sure it will be leaving my thirties and entering my forties. But what it doesn’t have to be, is negative. When I was getting ever closer to thirty, I anticipated everything would become bleaker, mundane and less fun which is probably why I went as hard as I did last year. If I could relive one part of my life it would almost certainly be the latter part of last year when I full lost control of my relationship with booze.

Having decided to leave alcohol behind, I want to make sure that my thirties are so much better. I am not saying that I didn’t have many good experiences within my twenties, I just know that better days are there for me to enjoy. I think about all the time and money I wasted on booze. I dread to think what the number is. I had plenty of good nights out and sessions on the razzle dazzle but ultimately, they have brought me to where I am now. I am excited about the next five to six years to see where I land and what happens. But mostly I want to enjoy them fully and be present throughout it all. Not dropping back to old times when drinking as much as possible on a night out was the only thing occupying my mind or making alcohol the centre of my universe. That’s gone now, and left behind. If I had been asked to write this piece a few months ago, I couldn’t have done it. Now sitting here penning this with as much conviction is really great. I feel I have now completely shed my old life and denounced my old ways. It feels liberating.

Focusing on a brighter future full of new experiences and people to meet is all I am thinking about at the moment. My life is in a good place right now with a strong solid balance of work and social time. I feel content and wish to remain in this current state. Not deviate from the routine and structure which has played a crucial role in maintaining a better mental state.

You might think the title to this one is a little strange, but please go and listen to Faces – Ooh La La. All will become clear.

Thanks again for reading, I have enjoyed writing this one.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts  

I was at the Newcastle game last night. Another three points for Eddie’s mags. I came away from the match buoyant and happy to be part of another great night at St. James Park. Contrast that with how I was feeling coming away from a Newcastle match just over a year ago indicates how far I’ve come. On Monday, it had been exactly one year since the night where I had wanted to end things. It has not been plain sailing to get to this point, so I wanted to share that timeline with you and also get it written down in the form of a blog mapping out the progress that has been made.

If I go back to that point in time a year ago, I could not have been any lower. As I have mentioned in other blogs I had been drinking heavily and in a downward spiral to a point where days and nights were just passing me by. I was not happy, but I hadn’t appreciated how unhappy I was. I wanted things to end, I wanted to die. I did not feel like I could offer myself or anyone anything worthwhile in life. I was in a cycle of drinking most nights and feeling extremely lousy the next day. The time I spent with loved ones could not have been to any quality. What followed after the night in question over the next three to four months was not much better. Having reached the lowest point in my existence, things didn’t get better instantly. At first, I don’t think I wanted to get better, I wanted to feel down. I wanted to carry on drinking and wallow in self pity for my situation. I wasn’t accepting the help that those close to me wanted me to get. I started therapy sessions and alcohol support in December, but I wasn’t receptive to it. Although now, I was beginning to talk about my problems I wasn’t combating them. I never returned to that very dark place in my mind following that night, but I certainly didn’t start to feel better until I binned the booze.

One of the critical problems I had during this time was that I didn’t care about myself. I knew I was damaging my wellbeing and not getting better but I still couldn’t let go of my liquid friend. I felt it was the most loyal thing in my life, always by my side when I needed it in the dark days not willing to accept that it was contributing to causing those dark days. Reading this, you could think that the alcohol is to blame for all my problems, but it isn’t. I am. I am the root cause of all of my woes, and it is my choices and actions that led to this. I had to take control of myself again. For too long, I had been making poor choices and sliding further down. Yes, alcohol played a large part in my plummeting mental health, but I had not reached a point of no return. I still had the power to take control of the situation and for many months I chose not to. Maybe I am being over critical of myself here and downplaying the hold booze had over me. Not sure, still working that out, I guess.

Fortunately, I was able to regain control and begin to properly get better. Both mentally and physically. When I quit drinking, I wasn’t expecting miracles, but I was surprised how quickly I started to feel better and have more clarity in my thinking. By working with my therapist, alcohol support team and the love of my friends and family I have managed to get to this point feeling a lot more positive about life and the future. Yes, of course there has been bumps in the road getting to this moment but on the whole, it has been a positive life changing experience. I had a therapy session this week and one of the focus points was, what is the end game for this treatment? At what moment can I walk away from that fully ready? I think the answer to that, is never. I don’t think I can ever completely leave therapy and conclude I am no longer needing that support. Yes, the sessions may become less frequent but still vital to have some contact for my wellbeing. Knowing that avenue is never closed off will also be a positive for me. I was thinking back to why I started going. The generic reasoning was to feel better. For it to assist in that process and of course it has but it is so much more than that. I want to talk about therapy in an upcoming piece, so I won’t get into a lot of details just now. My physical health is a lot better now. I still enjoy the occasional cigarette or junk food but on balance I am healthier now than I have ever been. Going to the gym with Jack has been so important in my stronger mental health. My mind is stronger now because of it and I feel in a very good place at the moment which is nice. A couple of months ago I had a setback which I dealt with quickly. In a much speedier fashion that if this had taken place last year. I am now stronger because of that setback. I know that challenges will come, and I will look to draw upon this experience to combat them. Not revert back to normal coping mechanisms which ultimately don’t work.

I would never have been able to reach that better point without the truly amazing support I received at the darkest times. I want to thank my family, friends, work colleagues and Chloe. All of whom were there for me when I needed them. Although Chloe and I are no longer together, we remain friends and I want to say that I will always be very thankful to her for being someone I could rely on during what was an awful time.

As always, thanks for reading this if you are. If I can ever be of help to you or someone you know who needs help, then please get in touch. My details are on the contact page on the website.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts  

No blog last week as I had been on holiday with the lads and their partners in Valencia. Seventh wheeling was actually not bad at all. We had a really enjoyable time and it was great to get all of us together in one place away from home.

Blogs will now be returning every week so I can focus my attention back onto my writing and most importantly my self-development.

So, Monday was world mental health awareness day. How many people knew that? Probably quite a lot as I personally saw a lot of posts online from individuals or organisations discussing the topic and hammering home the message that it is ok to talk about this once taboo subject. This is great. As more and more people feel comfortable in speaking out about their own experiences and issues surrounding their own mental health the stigma will eventually evaporate. Obviously, with myself included in the form of this blog. But has social media played a key role in forming the crisis we are in? In this blog I would like to explore that and identify how it has affected me.

Let me set this out right from the start. I love aspects of social media, well mainly twitter. It is a big part of my life. I can spend hours on twitter (not so much latterly) looking at everything from silly stuff to serious political goings on back to checking who Newcastle are going to sign in January – Maddison please. It is my main source of news and believe that on the whole it is a force for good. Maybe. Hopefully Elon doesn’t get a hold of it and wreck it for all of us although I think it may be too late for that. Instagram and Facebook I can really take or leave. Yes, I have them and they are certainly a decent platform for getting this blog out there for people to read but on the whole my life would not be worse off if I didn’t have them. Does that stop me from going on them more often than I should? No, sadly not. I have tried over the last couple of months to limit the time spent on these apps. Do I feel better for it? Maybe, a little. Would you be able to give these things up if you were asked to right now? We have all seen those posts from people (ironically) telling us all about how they are going for a long walk in the countryside and will be switching their phones off so they can be at one with nature. I genuinely hope they do and are not tempted to open their phone whilst out doing this activity. It is actually liberating to switch it off or leave your phone in the car/at home so you can enjoy the time whether you are alone or with someone else.

Smart phones have undoubtedly changed our lives. Things are totally different in how we communicate, how we date, how we socialise, how we work with one another. Is it for the better?

Social media and technology played a key role in enabling people to contact one another during the pandemic. If you had access to the internet then you could facetime, zoom, teams people from other areas in the country that you were not able to see or even members of your family and friends that lived close by. That is obviously a good thing and should be celebrated. As I said, there is strong advocacy for the use of social media and it came into its own during a time when people were feeling very isolated and cut off from the world, myself included. One of the many positives of starting this blog is the ability it has had to reach more people than I could have ever expected it to. I have spoken to strangers I would never have met, reconnected with people I may have never spoken to again. That is surely a good thing, isn’t it? People have the power to be very supportive to one another if they want to and we do see this on social media.

Online global apps like Facebook and Instagram have the power to connect people that may never have had the chance to had they not existed. We live in a very fast paced society where everything is wanted now and to wait for tomorrow is too long. We see advertising all over these sites, algorithms targeting us with ads that they know we will be interested in. We can be sent an ad for a pair of trainers, and they can be on our feet the next day. Again, is that a good thing? I will let you decide for yourself. On the flip side of that, how businesses operate is totally different to how things were fifteen or even ten years ago. Small organisations can flourish with the help of social media and are not relying on word of mouth to grow a business or brand. It has its positives, that should be acknowledged.

Looking at it from other side, is social media a toxic and vile place? Well yes of course it is. It is now easier than ever to write hurtful things to people you may not even have met before. I have to admit that over the years I have been guilty of this myself, some of which I am ashamed of, other stuff not so much. It is very easy to write a comment on a picture or tweet some nonsense about someone else. Psychologists would state this is for many different reasons such as feeling better about your own situation or something you are unhappy with. It may be designed to gain more attention or followers. Ultimately, some individuals will write vile things because they are vile people. Simple as that.

Facebook and Instagram came in my late teens and early twenties, so I think I escaped what the youth of today have to endure. But anyone is a target on these platforms. One of the weirdest things to go through on socials is a breakup. One minute you can see a couple very happy together posting pictures of themselves and their lives or on holiday etc etc and then next bang, gone are all these photos and memories after the couple have split up. Now I get why people do this. They want to cleanse their lives of the person that is no longer in it and that is fair enough. I haven’t deleted any of the pictures I have with ex-partners on my social media because I believe that although that relationship has ended the memories with that person are important and part of my life. I guess everyone is different and there isn’t a right and wrong formula to that.

We see a lot of fake reality content online. I am taken in by it as much as the next person. We can see a happy couple, someone on holiday, buying a new house or new car and think that I don’t have that. My life is rubbish. I am learning more about this at the moment because I think about how I have thought about my own social media profiles in the past. As strange as this may sound, in some instances I have been jealous of friends when they go away on holiday and posting their pictures because I have thought that makes them look more interesting than me. Or if friends have gone away on holiday together and I haven’t been there then I will be jealous of firstly me not being there and then secondly people not seeing me there with my friends. I would create scenarios in my head where I would think other people would notice I wasn’t there and think I wasn’t friends with my best mates anymore. Writing that down and looking back at it, it is totally fucking stupid. Because who would care about that? I mean come on, that is some serious self-conceited shit right there.

But this is what I am trying to get at. The illusion that people want or feel they need to create or be a part of can have a detrimental effect on your mental health. It is ridiculous of me to have felt like that about my friends. I am glad that I do not in anyway feel like that now. I love seeing my mates away doing stuff together and I am totally at ease with not being there. I know that they care about me and if I am not there this time, I will be the next. Valencia was really good in that respect because it brought us all together, nothing better. Touching back to the relationship side of things, seeing a person move on can be tough. Having social media allows us that ability to see this playing out in real time and for the other person that can be tough. I broke up (sort of) with someone in my early twenties and struggled to come to terms with seeing them move on with their life. Coupled with heavy drinking self-medication and regular scrolls of profiles that was not a good way to get over it. But we are all exposed to that unless you of course are blocked and removed. Which again in itself is a horrible process to go through. Social media can be bittersweet for us all in navigating through all aspects and areas of our lives.

Would better regulation help save the mental health of many more people? Maybe so, will that happen? Doubt it.

Thanks for reading.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts  

Music can play a big part in your mood. I have always listened to sadder songs when I have been feeling low. With hindsight this is not the best practise, so I don’t recommend it one bit. A couple of weeks ago when Lizzie passed away, I went into the office on the day after the tragic event and had to leave earlier than usual due to the depressing songs that every radio station was churning out that day. I am a big fan off Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah, but I am not sure if I will ever listen to it again following its multiple plays that day. It was as if the media had wanted us all to feel this immense sense of loss for an old lady who had never impacted our lives in any way. Now, I know this may alienate some readers of the blog, so I apologise to you right now if you’re offended by those comments about someone you never met and who didn’t care about you. I think I felt more loss towards the death of Marisa Cooper on The O.C – see earlier Jeff Buckley reference which quite frankly, is an incredible link.

Controversial start….

The charity Key Changes have said, “Music can play a valuable role in recovery from mental illness. It can stimulate emotional and aesthetic responses, develop creative, technical, social and vocational skills, improve expression, communication, confidence and self-esteem, and facilitate positive changes in behaviour and wellbeing,” which from researching their charity is clearly yielding very positive results. The charity is designed to help promote positive mental health for musicians and music enthusiasts suffering from any mental health conditions. They help the least represented communities affected by the mental health system looking to dispel the discrimination that still exists around this subject. I will post a link to the website at the bottom of this blog for anyone that might be interested in finding out more.

The power of music is quite remarkable. According to the University of Central Florida, listening to your favourite tracks can; improve your immune system, evoke better memories, make you a better communicator, assist in repairing brain damage plus much more. Studies were carried out with sufferers of dementia. The results of these tests found that patients respond better to the music they grew up listening to. Memories associated with music are emotional memories which don’t disappear even amongst patients with Alzheimer’s.  

So why have I listened to sad music when I have been feeling sad? It doesn’t make any sense to me now writing this blog. It is obviously not conducive to feeling better. I think from my own experiences there is a sense that wallowing in the current position can be the right thing to do when it clearly isn’t. I am fairly certain I can recall an evening of self-reflection involved a bottle of white wine and Lewis Capaldi’s first album. Fucking hell that isn’t good, it is? You can jump onto Spotify right now and find many different playlists that are titled ‘sad songs’ for you to listen to. Are they going to improve your mood if you are feeling low? For many people (including myself) wallowing in a bad situation can be the default reaction. One of the things I am hoping to learn from the last few months is to try and combat this reaction and not let myself be drawn into the default position. This is something I must work on. In the past it was easy to say to myself oh you have had a bad day, grab a bottle of wine from the shop, stick on some sad music and that will make you feel ‘better’. Then I would get into the cycles of having more bad days because of the amount I was drinking the nights and days before which could only be offset by, you guessed it more booze.

Now, I am going to flip this on its head and look at it from the other viewpoint. There are professionals who tell us that listening to sad music can be cathartic experience. I read an interesting article in the build up to writing this blog on the ‘psychology today’ website which explains that listening to gloomier songs can induce feelings of nostalgia and develop vicarious emotions or help to regulate a mood. By disconnecting the brain from reality and being lost within the music this can help the person listening. That last one interested me when I was reading. According to Shahram Heshmat, “Sad music produces psychological benefits via mood regulation,” and “lyrics that resonate with the listener’s personal experience can give voice to feelings or experiences that one might not be able to express oneself,” it is definitely an interesting hypothesis but not one I am totally sure I agree with. I am potentially looking at this only from the way in which I have experienced sad music in the past. Possibly, now looking at this from a different perspective I can use it in a more beneficial way. Maybe. However, at the moment I still have the belief that listening to sad tracks will not be the best remedy in a negative situation, but this has certainly made me question that notion a little.

Thanks for the lovely comments received on last week’s blog. The feedback and messages were very kind and I appreciate them all.

Thanks for reading this one, bit of a different tone this week but I hope you still enjoy.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts

Well, it has been a while since I have written a blog on Sobering Thoughts. For all the die-hard supporters out there, I apologise for the silence. I have not felt able to write anything with any clarity and needed the time to work on a few things. From the title of this piece, you may think this is going to be a depressive blog. But stay with me I think it’s going to be a good one. If you actually listen to this song by Sigrid and Bring Me The Horizon – Bad Life you will understand the ‘vibe’ I am going for. The lyrics sum up perfectly the lesson I have been learning over the last couple of months. The song, (which I have listened to probably around five hundred times now) encapsulates why it is important to tackle emotions head on and work through them as best you can, through any method possible that works for you.

A few weeks ago, I was in a depressive cycle and struggling to get my brain functioning for the easiest of tasks. I stopped taking care of myself – going to the gym, eating properly and application to my work suffered. I also didn’t write any blogs or undertake any therapy (she was on holiday so maybe that’s not my fault) and subsequently I was not tackling how I was feeling in the correct manner. I have stated (some might say preached) so many times on these blogs – speak to your support networks, professionals, or anyone you are comfortable with. In some respects, I was doing that. But I was also keeping some of my emotions and feelings to myself. Folks, this is not the way forward when you are feeling depressive or low. I am hoping that as this was the first real episode of poor mental health since I was poorly last year, I will learn from the experience and move forward a stronger person. In fact, I know I will.  

As part of this minor collapse in well-being I unfortunately had a slip. I am ashamed to admit it, but it happened, and I need to address it. I have spoken with family and friends about what happened, but I need to write it down to move past the moment. I went out for a walk in the local area, feeling down and the demons from the past were circling like sharks around a bloody carcass. I gave into temptation and entered one of the public houses I used to frequent. I bought a drink and sat there for a good fifteen minutes looking at it, contemplating what I should do. Eventually I drank, and in the moment yes it felt good. I knew what I was doing, there is no excuse for it. But it is done, and I have to get on and move forward. Reflecting back on it, in some ways I am glad it happened because it was one night in over two hundred in which I hadn’t touched a drop of booze. I have not wanted to drink since and have no desire to go down that avenue again. The experience has taught me that when things get tough, turning to that old source of escapism isn’t the right road to take. I am now stronger for the experience and feel I need to embrace it. Some people who may read this will think, wow weak guy. Going got a little bit tough and he slid back to the old tried and tested method of drinking. That is fine, it’s potentially a correct viewpoint to have. However, I am not interested in that opinion. The level of support I received from friends and family in the short moment of darkness was amazing. As I have stated before I am very fortunate to have an amazing network of people around me. I appreciate not everyone has that. I was really touched that a lot of the people that had come to me for advice or that had got in touch regarding Sobering Thoughts were there for me as well. Thank you to everyone for your kind messages and support, it is honestly really appreciated.

The main take-away I wanted to get across in this piece was advice that my mum and various other people drilled into me during this time. How you are feeling now is temporary. Better days are ahead. When you are locked in that moment that single bit of wisdom sounds like bollocks and in some ways you don’t want to hear it. But honestly, it is true. One of the key lessons I want to take forward from this is to remember where I was all those weeks ago and where I am now. I feel great and content with myself once again. Keeping busy and getting back to the methods I was using to feel better beforehand have returned and I am ready to move on in my life.

Of course, there is much to work on, but this is a long process (can’t bare to say journey) which is still in its infancy. There were always going to be bumps in the road and minor blips like this. But it is how we come back from them that we should be judged. I know that diving for a drink the first sign of hard times is no longer something I wish to do. It really doesn’t help, as I have stated before.

So if you are feeling low right now or in a cycle of depression you can’t break then please reach out to someone who you feel comfortable talking to. It may not fully evaporate the feelings you have inside, but through discussion and listening to the advice of those who have infinitely more experience than you, will help. I promise.

Thanks for reading.

Nick Denton

If I could describe Morrocco in one word, it would be…hot. Of course, it is, it’s the height of summer and just north of the equator so you should expect that when you go. Forty-seven degrees was the highest temperature we endured when we were there. Let me tell you my friends, if you aren’t used to the heat then you are in for a shock. However, I seemed to cope pretty well with it. I have been to Dubai, Turkey and other hot places so maybe I knew what I was letting myself in for. The weather did not detract away from the experience of the holiday which was excellent. Slight issue coming home and getting through Manchester Airport but other than that, it was a perfect trip. A little tip, you have no doubt seen the stories coming out of Manny Airport. They are true. I think we have this idea in our heads that it won’t happen to us or if we are flying with a decent airline nothing will go wrong. Avoid that place this summer if you can. I don’t intend to rush back if I can help it. I have nothing but sympathy for the working staff there who are clearly lacking in support from their employers who are desperately trying to recoup some of the money lost during COVID.

I have been on holiday just in case you didn’t read my last blog and wondering what I am wittering on about. We had a great time, stayed in a lovely hotel with great staff, facilities, and the best thing ever… a family of cats living in the hotel looked after by the staff and guests which included us for the week we were there. I had never experienced a holiday abroad and not drank. I had never not been one of the first people lining up at the all-inclusive bar when it opened, that is if I was up from the previous nights heavy sesh. I woke up fresh every single day. Maybe skipped a few breakfasts but that was because I was enjoying good quality sleep. When you next plan a summer holiday or any trip away whether it be home or abroad, why not try a few days not drinking or maybe even the whole holiday? I think you would be surprised how much more you benefit from the experience. I always laugh at people saying “they need another holiday” when they get back from their official one. That is possibly the case if you are hammering the booze when you are away. Your sleep pattern will be shot, and you won’t actually recuperate at all. I am not sure I would have been able to handle a hangover in forty degrees heat. I think that would have been too much. At the hotel we stayed in, there didn’t appear to be what I would call heavy drinking. Yes, people enjoyed themselves but there wasn’t any drunken escapades, that I can recall seeing anyway.

Marrakech is a vibrant city, with lots of dodgy little markets you can go and buy cheap tat from if that is your thing. If you like haggling with street sellers then this is the place for you. The main square comes alive in the evening with more street traders, performers, and cool places to sit with a drink to watch the world go by. Thousands of people are visiting this area in the evening making it the go to place in the city. It is definitely somewhere I recommend visiting, no matter what your usual choice of destination is. We did a couple of lovely excursions whilst we were there including an amazing hot air balloon ride watching the sunrise over the Atlas Mountains. That was absolutely mesmeric. We also did some quad biking around the desert which was a lot of fun, and something that I had not tried before.

One of the main things I wanted to get from the experience was to completely switch off and remove myself from the day to day realities of home life. Exactly what you want to achieve from a holiday. In the past, I have sometimes brought my home troubles along with me or pressures from work. I left my phone up in our room during the day and only would use it at night to check for any messages, not to look at work emails. If you don’t do this when you are away, I highly recommend it. One of the other things I wanted to do whilst being away was get stuck into a few good books. Ross very kindly lent me five or six to keep me going and I flew through this fascinating book on psychology called ‘The Courage To Be Disliked’. I won’t do a full book review on it but it was a really thought provoking read. Check it out if you are into that kind of thing, you won’t be disappointed. I also started a couple of others which I am flying through at the moment. I really must read more. I read a little now, but it is far too easy of an evening to get lost in some rubbish tv series for a few hours rather than something more worthwhile. I am not saying don’t watch tv though don’t worry. We all need to unwind and sometimes watching some trash is the only way…. is Essex.

I guess to summarise this blog, I wanted to make clear that you can enjoy any holiday without alcohol. Reading these blogs, you may get the misconception that I am anti-booze. In some ways, that maybe true now. However, I accept it is embedded in our culture and society, it isn’t going anywhere soon. The message I have taken from this experience is that you can enjoy your time with or without it.  I hope you can too.

Oh and I did manage to train a few times in the gym at the hotel. I actually really enjoyed it and it was a great addition to the day’s activities. Only do this if you genuinely want to of course. If you want to relax and give yourself a break from training than that is ok too. Only you can make that decision. For me, it was all part of keeping my head in check whilst being away from home and my normal routine.

As always, if you are here thanks for reading. It means a lot.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts

Been hot, hasn’t it? Maybe too hot. If you aren’t a believer in climate change, I wonder how you have been feeling this week with soaring temperatures, sweaty workplaces, and unbearable humidity? Yeh but mate remember, “you have been on holiday before, haven’t you?” I certainly have yes. But seldom am I working on these holidays or trying to complete mundane routine daily tasks in unairconditioned buildings. I digress. I’ m actually going on holiday next week which leads nicely into what I am talking about today.

Next Monday we travel to Marrakech, I am really looking forward to it and having the time of work, time to reset and switch off. I plan to fully embrace this by having long periods away from my phone and not constantly checking work emails or social media. It will be the first non-alcohol based holiday I have been on since childhood. I am really looking forward to that aspect of it. I have been on too many holidays where I have over consumed on the booze and not fully enjoyed the best moments of the time away. I want to get up early and make the most of each day, be fully present for the whole time we are away. Not lying in bed till the late AM trying to pull myself around from a deadly hangover which will only be enhanced by the sweltering heat. I have even talked myself into training whilst away. We will see how that goes…but at the moment I am keen to do it as part of the daily routine I have got myself used to since kicking the booze into touch.

I mentioned in a previous blog one of the instances of when drinking on holiday hadn’t gone right for me and had resulted in an argument with a friend. There have been other occasions where I have drunk too much and got myself into some rather sticky situations. Some almost as sticky as when sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun. Ross, Mikey, and I were on holiday in Portugal a few years ago and I had somehow got myself into the wrong hotel after a heavy night and then into a taxi that was taking me back to Faro Airport. All in all, that was a costly night as I think Uber charged me sixty pounds for the privilege of the journey which lasted around five minutes. Drinking whilst you are on holiday can be a very dangerous thing to do. For one, you are in a place you are not familiar with. Two, the country may not take kindly to foreign nationals being pissed up around their streets and three there could be numerous people around looking to take advantage of you. So why do we party so hard when we are abroad? Even in places that aren’t necessarily considered ‘party’ destinations.

As Brits, we have a dreadful reputation for our partying and holidaying abroad. In a previous blog I was discussing the culture of drinking in Britain and why it is such an issue for us. We take that issue on holiday with us to foreign destinations and force our undesirable behaviour on the natives. We all go on holiday to have a good time and let our hair down but why is it we as a nation go to the extreme? Hitting the all-inclusive bars as soon as they open and consuming as much as we can before the sun goes down. Do we like the thought of getting the most out of our holiday package deal? I am generalising of course and not every holiday is like this, but in my experience of summer holidays in hot locations it is normally the Brits peppering the booze compared to people from other countries. Reading an article from the daily mirror back in April, they spoke of popular ‘drinking’ holiday locations capping the amount of alcohol that each person could consume per day. Has this happened? I would be interested to know. With many families only returning to summer holidays abroad this year following the COVID pandemic, I sense that there would be a big desire to get tanked up every day. You also find that it isn’t just groups of men and women who go specifically on holiday for the cheap booze. I have seen plenty of family groups acting in the same way even in hotels where people have gone for a quiet location away from the lager louts.

If you are reading this and thinking, wow he sounds rather judgemental against people on holiday having a good time. Please do not misunderstand me. I have been that awful Brit abroad drinking too much whilst being part of a group making too much noise. I am merely describing what some of our drinking culture is like and how we kindly share it with the world. This will be an entirely unique experience for me next week ditching the beers and cocktails. Enjoying the hot sun and not feeling like death from alcohol dehydration. I have to say I am looking forward to that.

No blog next week, so I will report back in a couple of weeks’ time what the experience was like. Signing off for now, stay safe friends and remember if you would like to chat on anything regarding mental health or drinking, then my DMs are always open.

Peace and love.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts

Have you ever drunk and driven knowing you were over the limit? It is very common. If you have never done this, then well done and respect to you. I know a lot of people who have done this and continue to despite knowing friends or family who have been caught. Sadly, there is no deterrent big enough out there to stop people doing it despite the disastrous consequences we see from near or fatal accidents. In 2020 there were over twenty-eight thousand convictions of drink driving. They were the individuals who got caught. We know that a lot more people do it, they just don’t get caught. Some will knowingly drive over the limit. Others will think they are ok to drive and get home safely. I am ashamed to admit to you that I have done it and not been caught. Thinking back to this particular episode fills me with anxiety. I need to get it down on the page so I can move on. I now don’t drink so I will never do this again so I can ease my conscience a little. I never did it regularly but I have taken the magic taxi on a few occasions. Thankfully, no one was ever hurt from this apart from myself in the story I am about to tell you.

The roots of this story begin in my previous blog, “teenage dream” so you may need to pop back to that one to refresh your memory. Despite some heavy criticism from one former Sobering Thoughts fan, I am keen to press on and continue this story. This night began well, as they normally do. I went for a big night out in Newcastle with a few mates. I think we must have gone during the day as we returned on the train earlier than you would normally from a night out. It may have been a bank holiday. I am unsure. I remember getting back and feeling pretty pissed. Throughout that day I had been in contact with Teenage Dream girl. This was just before the point of being cut off completely by her. I recall that I felt extremely low at that time, the previous few months had really started to take their toll. I must stress that the person I am talking about had also been through an extremely hard time as well with losing a member of their family. I possibly did not cover that in the previous blog (as it was pointed out in the days after) and I would like to apologise for that right here and now. However, having analysed this period over and over again I don’t believe my behaviour and conduct was anything other than supportive. I don’t think I deserved to be treated like that. But time moves on and I have let it go.

The contact during the day was not good and eventually resulted in a drunken phone call made from my side. I can recount that someone (who I didn’t know) answered the phone and was pretending that I had the wrong number. Absolutely classic. I can still hear that conversation in my head, every word. I had been really struggling in the weeks building up to this day out and with hindsight drinking was the last thing I should have done. My unhappiness compounded even further by the over consumption of booze. Getting home I was pretty upset and frustrated with what had happened, but I hadn’t discussed it with anyone. I got in and did not know what to do with myself and became incredibly anxious. Now here’s the stupid part. I got into my car and started driving. I put on some really depressing music and just drove, almost wallowing in self-pity. I have no idea what I was thinking and why I did it. It was brainless. I do not blame anyone other than myself for this. Despite everything that had occurred during the day there is no vindication for what I did. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed of my actions. I drove out of Alnwick and towards a neighbouring village. I had no clue about what was about to happen. I came to a T junction but instead of turning left or right I careered straight into a hedge at some velocity. At first, I think I may have been knocked out temporarily. I was in shock and it sharp sobered me up, but I thought fuck, what the hell do I do now?

I did what most people do at that point and called my family to come and help. I had broken the law and if I was found by anyone other than my family I would have been in a lot of trouble. I’m amazed that no one came along the road I was on, but they didn’t. Like a coward I hid and waited for someone to come and pick me up. I had not only done this to myself I had then involved other people in my mess again. This was only a few months after the window breaking incident. I should have known there and then that Nick and alcohol just don’t mix. When I was going through my dark spell last year, I would return to this night in my head nearly every day. My mind would go to the extreme and think well what would have happened if you had crashed into another car or hit a pedestrian? It could have been so much worse, and I was lucky to get away with what I did. Maybe if there had been repercussions against me it may have caused an earlier change in my behaviour. I was lucky for so many different reasons. Not hurting anyone else from my reckless actions or myself are the main two. The car however did not survive, and it was written off shortly after. There is no rational reason that can justify what I did that night, absolutely none. There is no ‘but’ coming here either. I made a very bad judgement whilst I was drunk and was fortunate not to do any serious damage to my life or to anyone else. However low I was feeling at that time or how upset I was that night I can never rationalise the events of that evening. Facing up to this now is going someway to letting it go. It was a long time ago and I have learned a lot from looking back and reflecting on this. I have to accept that is now in the past and over. I must move on and not dwell on it any longer as that would be counterproductive to my recovery.

I would like to dedicate this blog to someone who messaged me during the week following last week’s piece. They were incredibly brave in admitting to me they thought that drinking had become too much of an issue for them. The strength it must have taken to admit that to someone is incredibly admirable and I am hoping that they are able to get the support they need but most importantly want. That is the key thing here, needing and wanting help are two very different things. Like this person, if you would like to talk about any issues you are having then please drop me a line. I am happy to talk to anyone and help in any way if I can.

Thanks for reading.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts

Well last week I passed over one hundred and fifty days of not drinking. Not far off the six-month mark. At the turn of the year if you had told me that I would be nearly six months alcohol free, well I would have choked on my lager. In this blog I am going to tell you five things that will remarkably change in your life if you take the plunge and go sober. I am constantly learning and evolving as each day passes becoming a scholar in the sober field, well sort of. It is really interesting to discover more knowledge on this subject. Our relationship with booze is genuinely fascinating. I think we all have our own path to take with how we ascertain what our own association with alcohol is going to be. Reading this you may be wanting to change how much you drink and are unsure how you can start. You may be happy with how much you drink and don’t want to change at all. Both conclusions sit fine with me. I am not anti-drinking or anti-alcohol. I had to stop drinking before it was too late. I had to revaluate and thankfully I did it at the right time. Next week I am going to tell you another one of my many escapades from crazy nights out that have resulted in near catastrophe. But first, lets get into these five things to expect when you quit the drink.

Ok number one. Your sleep will improve massively. It’s a common thing to hear from regular drinkers when they tell you that they drink to help them get to sleep. Drinking is bad for your sleep. If you are a frequent drinker, you are 40% more likely to have a bad sleep. Sleep is essential for our mental and physical well-being. A normal sleep cycle consists of four different stages. Three non-rapid eye movement stages and one rapid eye movement stage. Drinkers will fall into heavy sleep too quickly which creates an imbalance between non-rapid and rapid eye movement. This results in a shorter sleep and thus the overwhelming feeling of tiredness the next day. That’s why we always feel horrendous the next day after a big night. Now do that a few times a week or drink every day, wow you are going to be seriously tired. Of course, I am not saying that you are never going to feel exhausted again. But my sleep has improved greatly. Better sleep leads right into my next point. More energy.

When every morning is clear and hangover free then you feel a better sense of wanting to achieve more in your days. With having more energy your days are full (in my case) with work and whatever extracurricular activities you enjoy. At the moment with work, therapy, cricket, the gym, spending time with friends and partner I don’t have a lot of time for much else. This is great though and wouldn’t have it any other way. My weeks seem to pass by extremely quickly. I have more enthusiasm for work and can focus myself for a lot longer, thus achieving better results for the business I work for. So, when night-time comes, I am usually ready for bed and don’t have any difficulties falling asleep. My cat Nigel (see insta for regular pics) has other ideas in the middle of the night when he decides I need to be awake and does everything possible to make that happen. He’s a good lad really. Having more energy to expend is great and leads nicely into the next section.

Unless you are really over consuming food, leaving the drink should have a positive affect on your waistline. Because of your better health choices of not drinking, I found that this then leads to better choices with how much you exercise and what you eat. I can’t obviously comment for everyone and can only provide my own experiences but by not over consuming calories from booze, as long as you do not replace them then you will naturally lose weight. I will consult with my strength and conditioning team and get back to you on that to make sure it is correct. Losing a little bit of unwanted poundage can be great for the mental health and make you feel that little bit better about yourself. I haven’t weighed myself since I stopped drinking and started going to the gym four or five times a week. I really should as I know I have lost weight so I would be interested to know. I can visibly see that my physique has improved over the last few months, and I am almost back to the condition I was in following my training plan with Ross last year. Another positive physical change you will see will be clearer skin. I remember having a tired looking complexion. Once you replace the booze you are drinking with more water your skin becomes more hydrated, looks firmer and you will appear younger (hopefully). Alcohol does plenty to age us that is for sure.

I have spoken about this in other blogs, but I want to emphasise the point again, if you struggle with poor mental health cutting alcohol out of your life will do you the power of good. I am not saying that it will completely eradicate any negative thoughts or feelings you have, they need to be worked on in other setting such as therapy or counselling. But it will go a long way to make you feel more positive about yourself and your life. I have had no long periods of depression since I stopped drinking. Yes, I have had bad days, whether that comes through work or another situation, but I am in a much better head space to face these challenges head on. Drinking will only compound your negative thoughts and take you further down. A key feature of my sobriety is being able to speak openly about it. Through doing this blog or having conversations with people about their drinking is not something I would have considered doing six months ago. I would have been evasive on the subject if someone had approached me about it, not wanting to admit to myself and them how much I was actually drinking. I am also able to talk openly about feelings and subjects I would not have been comfortable with discussing previously. All positive steps forward.

Finally, the last point I want to raise is financially I am a lot better off. How much money do you waste on booze do you think? Now I don’t mean all the money you spend on alcohol is wasted. As I have said people are able to enjoy drinking in a controlled manner not going to excess. However, like myself some people are not. How many times have you gone to the bar at the end of an evening and had that extra drink? Or maybe even two more. Or bought a round for a group of people you barely know? Likely its money wasted, and you won’t receive any thanks for it later on. Save your cash and spend it on something more worthwhile. I was wasting so much money on drinking. I can’t put an exact figure on it, but I am sure I would have been spending a few hundred a month on drinking. Money now that I can spend on more worthwhile endeavours or even save it for something important.

I am not judging anyone who drinks, please don’t get that impression. My points in this blog are personal to me, but maybe a few of them make you consider changing your relationship with booze.

Next week I am going to tell you about another one of my dodgy episodes with alcohol. Thanks again for reading and please feel free to drop me a message if I can help you in any way with this subject or anything on mental health.

Nick Denton

Sobering Thoughts